Act 2, Scene 1. The busy dining room of a tourist hotel in Mallorca. The furnishings are wooden, practical and dated. ABG and GF are searching for a table, carrying their buffet dinner. ABG spots activity around the chiller.

ABG: Look, they have free wine with the meals. How continental.

He grabs a bottle of El Cheapo from the chiller and they sit at an unoccupied table. A middle-aged WAITRESS appears.

WAITRESS: Bonjour. Flobbleobbleobbleobbleob?

ABG: Er…

WAITRESS: English?

GF: English, yes.

The WAITRESS deftly pockets the bottle of wine and waves a reproving finger at ABG.

WAITRESS: Not for you.

The WAITRESS leaves. ABG’s jaw drops open.

ABG: But I’m not English…!

GF: She was just asking did we speak English. Don’t get upset.

ABG: I’m not so sure about that.

The WAITRESS returns with a wine list and gives it to ABG.

ABG: This wine is ten times the price it is in Carrefour up the road. Water, please.

The WAITRESS leaves. ABG glowers and mutters under his breath.

ABG: Racist bastards.

GF: Sigh.

Act 2, Scene 2. The same, two days later. ABG and GF have just sat down with their buffet dinner. The same WAITRESS appears. She does not appear to recognise them.

WAITRESS: Bonjour.

ABG: Bonjour.

WAITRESS: Voulez-vous flobbleobbleobbleob de boire?

ABG: De l’eau, s’il vous plait.

The WAITRESS is visibly shocked.

WAITRESS: Pas du vin…!?

ABG: Ah, oui. Une bouteille de rosé, s’il vous plait.

The WAITRESS leaves.

GF: What are you doing? I have no money with me.

ABG: Ssh.

GF: You don’t have any money either…

ABG: Ssh.

The WAITRESS returns with a bottle of El Cheapo and proceeds to uncork it.

ABG: Merci.

WAITRESS: De rien. Bon appetit!

The WAITRESS leaves. GF’s jaw drops open.

ABG: Du vin?

Act 2, Scene 3. A room in the same hotel, shortly afterwards.

GF: I can’t believe you just did that.

ABG: Bwahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!