Rehearsals are hotting up for the latest musical*, and terror is striking the hearts of those who understand what’s going on. Today I finally discovered what my face looked like on the first day of dance rehearsals when I arrived late and saw them rehearsing the tap routine.

There are people in this show who own their own tap shoes. They tend to be the same individuals who wear the bizarre-but-cool high-arched dancing trainers. They were also the ones who picked up the tap moves instantly on the first day, while us normal beings stood at the back of the room and shat ourselves. At this point we’d only skimmed over one other routine (half a routine in my case) and I was already in a really bad mood. I walked out and seriously considered quitting the show.

Several rehearsals later, I am getting to grips with pretty much every other routine but that one. Even after being shown through it veeery slowly several times, it’s just an impossible blur. You might as well throw me out of a tree and tell me to fly. Fifteen years after the fact, it feels just like I’m back in PE class at school, and the impotent, homicidal rage it spawns is undimmed***. “What planet are these people from!?!?” I exclaimed to the Artist, who was still reeling from my slightly-too-convincing homicidal rage impression.

But today’s real victim was the one guy who had unluckily managed to miss just those few rehearsals where the tap fiasco had previously been exhibited. A combination of ashen face, dropped jaw and barely concealed outrage appear to be the symptoms. I just had to give the poor guy a hug.

Not quite sure he appreciated it, mind.

* The Hot Mikado, Galway Town Hall, 13th – 19th April. It’s really good!
** We had only three weeks to learn the dance routines last year, which was insane.
*** You know those seemingly harmless youngsters who secretly plot to massacre their classmates with an automatic rifle? I know how they feel.